Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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