you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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