So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
