Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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