So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize