Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
