My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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