and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
