And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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