Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
