I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
