I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
