ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
