sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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