So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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