Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize