it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
