I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
