Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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