we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
