Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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