I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
