i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize