I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
