Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
