She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
