apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize