Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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