I love black thongs
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
3pm strippers are depressing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
