Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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