So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
