Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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