so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
