She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
