She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
