here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
