its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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