first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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