he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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