she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
