Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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