I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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