You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
