i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
