you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
