3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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