i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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