Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
