I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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