i don't like sucking hair
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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