Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
