...so i touched it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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