he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
