OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
