So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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