I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize