my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
