Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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