Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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