one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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