i dont even know how to be here
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
try to milk me bitch
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
