Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
tell me about the eggs
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
