Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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