Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
