he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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