you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
