just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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