I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
