i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize