I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
