Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
