I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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