i can't believe i had my finger in that
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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