Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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