the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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