You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
