So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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