i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
