What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
