I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
