3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
