I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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