I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
