I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
