Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
