What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
